Welcome to part 2 of my year end wrap up. While part 1 was dedicated to the best movies of 2012, this post will be reserved for the worst movies of 2012. I'm not talking about movies that were simply disappointing, I'm talking about the worst of the worst, the creme de la crap, the films that are a filmmakers way of taking our 10-15 dollars as they point both middle fingers at us while laughing. I pointed out in my other post that 2012 had some absolute masterpieces. While I stand by that statement, for every masterpiece, there were at least 3 absolute abominations. As usual I'd like to give a shoutout to the Free Gamer's Alliance YouTube channel. Their videos cover everything from walkthroughs, glitches, easter eggs, and various amusing video game related content, all of which is delivered with some colorful commentary while they have buckets of fun doing it. Here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/user/FreeGamersAlliance/.
As with my previous list, I will list: the title of the movie, the trailer, and a brief writeup as to why that movie is in that spot. After that there will be a list of dishonorable mentions of movies that barely missed the list. The same ground rule from the best of list applies to this one. If I have not seen it, it cannot be eligible for this list. While there are some movies that I'm sure probably belong on this list such as "That's my Boy," "The Apparition," and "Piranha 3DD," I can't know for sure until I've seen them and therefore cannot put them on the list. Having said that, let's get this bloodbath rolling.
#10: Project X
First of all, if you watched the trailer for this, I should warn you to ignore the probably fake fan testimonials. This is not the best party movie ever and it is definitely not like "Superbad on crack." I had a lot of hope for this movie as Todd Phillips was involved in it. He was also involved in movies such as "Old School" and "The Hangover" which were both excellent. So what happened here? The appeal behind this movie is that it is supposed to be funny. You know what might have helped with that? Perhaps some attempt at humor or jokes? But no, they couldn't even do that! Nothing, and I mean nothing in this movie was funny. It was essentially watching 2 hours of teens drinking and being horrendous douchebags. Also, I feel like I came out of this movie with some kind of disease. This theory has no evidence to back it up, but that's how I feel. Do yourself a favor, skip this one. There are plenty of better things such as going to an actual party with some people who are actually somewhat likeable.
#9: Battleship
This movie was a mess an just about every sense of the word. On the whole, the acting was absolutely atrocious. When Rihanna does the best acting job in the movie, you know there is a major problem. The only exception I will give to this is Liam Neeson, who is in the movie for a whole ten minutes. I would like to give a special shoutout to Alexander Skarsgard for what was possibly one of the worst performances I've seen in a movie in a long time.The script was written in a way that you don't believe anything that anyone does or anything that anyone says. I spent the good majority of this movie coming up with better lines in my head than the ones that were just said. I had mentally checked out of this movie about halfway through it because there is simply no point in becoming invested in anything. The enemies aren't riveting enough to root against. The characters aren't worth rooting for. You would think that this would be a cool experience just to hear the words "you sunk my battleship" on screen. But guess what??? They can't even give us that. It would have been easy to stick that line in there as plenty of battleships were in fact being sunk. I can see the justification behind not including this as to keep the dialogue from turning ridiculous but in this case it really doesn't matter because all of the dialogue was ridiculous anyways!! Unfortunately, the film isn't nearly as fun as the board game that it is based on. So if you want the "Battleship" experience, play the board game.
#8: Silent House
And we have come to the first horror movie on my list! Believe me, it won't be the last. This film had a really interesting premise. It was shot entirely in one take and it did add some element of realness to the movie. That realness however was hindered by so many other things that they probably shouldn't have even bothered. Once again, I should warn any of you who watched the trailer to ignore the praise. Elizabeth Olsen's overacting was a huge part of the problem. Half the time, I couldn't even tell if she was laughing or crying. The script only carries material for about 1/3 of the movie. The rest of the movie is filled with nothing but hiding and crying over and over again. It got so repetitive so quickly. Another major problem was the ending. It was predictable and it will not leave you satisfied. This is one movie that really ought to take life advice from it's own title and remain SILENT!
#7: Chernobyl Diaries
I told you guys that "Silent House" wouldn't be the last horror movie to appear on this list. Unfortunately, neither is this sad piece of work. Let's start with the obvious. The acting was painful. I understand that horror movies aren't where actors usually shine but this group in particular was painful. On top of that they are written in a way where nobody is worth becoming invested in. Speaking of the writing, it was so terrible. Like "Battleship," I was thinking of better lines in my head the entire time I was watching this movie. Another thing is that a horror movie is supposed to try and scare you or at least somehow keep the tension high. Why does this not happen? Because nothing happens for pretty much the whole movie. Horror movies should not be this bland! Like the other bad horror movies of this year, the ending was a major problem. I can't say that it was predictable but it was completely stupid, nonsensical and had absolutely nothing to do with anything. They decided to invent something out of thin air to tie up one loose end. This movie is a huge waste of time and money.
#6: The Watch
Again, I have a huge problems with comedies that fail to be funny. This movie is the absolute king of that. There were a couple one-liners from Jonah Hill that made me chuckle but that was about it. The writing is an obvious source of that problem. This movie was ridiculous and favored gross out gags over any kind of wit. Don't get me wrong, gross out gags can be funny but they should have some sort of purpose, many of those felt like they were thrown in just for the hell of it. On top of that, for a comedy movie they really need to pick actors who can deliver funny lines with great timing. I'm going to excuse Jonah Hill from this but Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller have the comedic timing of a duck that has just had it's brain surgically removed and replaced with a handful of peanuts. They were awkward to watch. Frankly, everything they did and said felt extremely forced and it was distracting. In the end, this film is pointless yet fails to be even slightly entertaining.
#5: The Devil Inside
Shocker!! It's another horror movie! This is yet another example of found footage horror. Unfortunately, I haven't seen it used well since the "Paranormal Activity" franchise (minus the fourth one). This is no exception. This style of filming has gotten old and it shows. On top of that, there wasn't a whole lot as far as scares went. I would actually argue that this film does a slightly better job of the scares than the other horror films on this list. So why is this one higher on the list than the others? Well, the ending was one of, if not the worst endings I have seen in any movie ever. I won't spoil the ending for you but based on some articles that I read, the reaction to the ending was the same across North America. Lots of booing and throwing things at the screen. The ending is bad enough that this movie lands at #5 on my list almost exclusively because of the ending.
#4: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
I actually almost wanted to leave this one out just because at this point, it's just too easy. Instead, I've decided to be a fair judge and put this film in the spot that it has earned. This movie was a mess from beginning to end. As usual, it featured music that was melodramatic, cheap special effects, and what can best be described as the most awkwardly hilarious sex scene I have ever seen in my life. For the most part, (minus the beginning and end) this movie was fairly dull and nearly put me to sleep. The beginning and the end both showcased some awful writing (I'm not sure who is at fault, the script writer or Stephenie Meyer). It really showed through the most awkward monologue to justify pedophilia, the god awful twist at the end, or the bad dialogue delivered in a bizarre way by a cast of terrible actors. Don't get me wrong, the writing was awful throughout but the beginning and end were so awful it became hilarious. The best part of the movie is that this is the end of this nauseating series (that is, until someone decided to reboot it....I think I just felt a horrible shiver go down my spine).
#3: Silent Hill: Revelation
I bet you thought we were done with horror movies! Although, I would hesitate to call this horror based on the fact that there really is nothing scary about it. In my review, I actually made many comparisions to "Twilight" and I stand by those. The acting is horrific, The writing was a crime against humanity, and the movie was fairly boring for the most part. Anything that wasn't boring was usually a laughably bad line. So, if it has all of the elements of what makes "Twilight" bad, what pushed it above "Twilight" on this list. It was a very close call, but the thing that pushed this above "Twilight" was the fact that they tried to make this movie specifically for 3D and failed miserably. There were so many headache inducing shots that I could have gone without the 3D for. An example of this is a scene where the main character points a flashlight towards the camera and for the audience, it is like looking directly into the sun. There are many other examples of this horrible gimmickry in this movie. I do have one good piece of news! This is the last horror movie on this list!
#2: Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Like my "Best of 2012" list, the #2 spot on this list is occupied by a superhero movie. The difference is that this movie sucked and it sucked hard. The writing was so bad! It wasn't even bad in a funny way, it was just stupid. The only moments of comedy were unintentional and were always due to bizarre line delivery from Nicolas Cage. The effects looked cheap, the acting was abysmal, and they actually had a scene that involves Ghost Rider pissing fire. I thought it was something they did for the trailer, but no, they actually used that in the movie! As I sort of implied earlier, Nicolas Cage's performance became so bizarre even for Nicolas Cage and that is saying quite a bit. I went to this, knowing it would probably be bad, but I expected it to be a lot of fun. While it had one or two fun moments, it really wasn't that fun.
#1: John Carter
This may seem like an odd choice for the worst movie of 2012 but let me explain myself. Was this the most poorly made movie of 2012? It was not. The reason that this movie lands the #1 spot on this list is that it committed the absolute worst sin in my opinion that a movie can. That sin is boring me to death. I don't think I have ever been this bored sitting in a movie theater in my entire life. The first time I saw it, I was actually so bored that I left the theater a bit over halfway into the movie. I got a chance to finish it when it was on TV later in the year and believe me it was a struggle to finish. The characters were so bland that I didn't care about any one of them. The main character could have been killed off and I wouldn't have cared. This movie had many things in it that I normally like such as space, fights, aliens, etc. But when I am not invested in any character, none of that other stuff matters. The effects were ok but not special enough to make the rest of the movie worth it. And to think, had this not been such a box office bomb, we would have had to put up with sequels. We dodged a bullet with this one. I would rather watch a poorly made movie like "Twilight" over and over than something this boring ever again. Words can't do justice to how much I hated this movie and that is why it takes the #1 spot on my list of the worst movies of 2012.
Recap:
So to recap, my list of the worst movies of 2012 goes as follows:
10. Project X
9. Battleship
8. Silent House
7. Chernobyl Diaries
6. The Watch
5. The Devil Inside
4. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
3. Silent Hill: Revelation
2. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
1. John Carter
Dishonorable Mentions (in no particular order):
Savages, Rock of Ages, Wrath of the Titans, The Bourne Legacy, Premium Rush, Underworld: Awakening, Men in Black III, Mirror Mirror, Dredd 3D, Paranormal Activity 4, Ice Age: Continental Drift, The Raven, Safe House, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, and Act of Valor.
Thanks for reading everyone!! As usual, feel free to leave a comment. Have an amazing new year and I will see you in 2013!